


The Pain Of Love

by h8tedhannah



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Gay, M/M, Soulmate-pain, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:28:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25162411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h8tedhannah/pseuds/h8tedhannah
Summary: “I’m sorry. I put you through so much pain.”Zach hushed Alex with a kiss.“It’s all worth it for you.”Zalex week day 3: Soulmate AUZach feels the pain of Alex’s suicide attempt and realizes they are soulmates.
Relationships: Zach Dempsey & Alex Standall, Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall
Comments: 1
Kudos: 41





	The Pain Of Love

**Author's Note:**

> AU where soulmates can feel eachothers physical pain at the same time. 
> 
> (follows 13rw storyline)

Zach has always felt it.  
He couldn’t remember a single day since he was a kid where he didn’t.   
It made him stronger, yes, but it also always really fucking hurt.   
His soulmate was clumsy. Always falling over, stunning his toes on objects, whoever it was seemed to be awfully clumsy, yet nothing had brought excruciating pain to Zach’s body. He thought maybe, that his soulmate was Hannah; but he would have felt that. He would have felt that excruciating pain as she took her own life. He would have felt his wrists burn up, but the night she died he only felt his back get scratched, which he assumed was from sex. But the part of Zach that hoped for Hannah to be his soulmate was gone, and he felt terrible for not being able to save her. When the tapes got to him, a trail of guilt followed him everywhere he went. He couldn’t escape it; but somehow he knew that this guilt would push him to become a better person. And so he let the drama of the tapes unfold it front of him, and he watched people he knew or didn’t know become depressed and ruined. He watched Clay Jensen stare at his wrists constantly, and everyone seemed to know why. She was his soulmate and he had lost her forever. He was angry, mostly at Bryce, but at everyone on those tapes too. Zach knew it was coming to him, so when Clay came around the corner to fight him, he figured he’d let the boy punch him to the ground. Zach could easily win against him; yet he didn’t think he deserved that. He did feel bad for his soulmate for the pain they were about to get; but once Zach met them, he would explain why he let a scrawny, angry kid beat him up over a dead girls sucide tape. 

Alex was sitting across from Jessica when it happened. They were in silence, as they usually were nowadays after Hannah’s death. Alex fucking hated himself. He hated the mess he’d caused, he hated how he took Hannah’s life, and he hated how there was nothing he could do to take it back. He knew everyone on the tapes felt the same, Jessica, Zach, Clay, Justin etc; but Alex was so overwhelmed with hating himself because he felt so alone. Through the work of the pinching yourself test, Justin and Jessica had discovered they were soulmates. It wasn’t a surprise to Alex, he knew that the few times he tried to pinch himself or hit something Jessica didn’t feel his pain; but now that she was gone Alex was alone. After doing the pinch test countless times with his friends, he was yet to find his soulmate. Based on the pain he felt in his body though, he knew his soulmate was an athlete. This is why he had come to hate sports. His muscles constantly ached and felt the burn of weights on his body; and he assumed that whoever his soulmate was was ripped and toned, but Alex hated them for causing so much pain. This time though, he felt a different kind of pain. As he sat there eating his lunch as Jessica rambled on about how Bryce was a rapist asshole, he fell to the floor, clutching his side. “Oh my god Alex! Is it your soulmate?” She said, helping him up. “Yeah- I- I think so. I think they’re getting the shit beat out of them.” 

Alex stood in front of the mirror, a gun in his hand. He wanted to fucking die. He couldn’t live anymore knowing what he’s done. Knowing what he caused. If only he reached out to Hannah, didn’t do the shit he did, she would still be alive. She would be alive and happy with Clay, and all the shit storm she left behind would he gone. Bryce would continue raping girls until he found his soulmate, maybe Jess and Justin wouldn’t have found eachother but eventually they probably would, there would be no trails or court cases. In a way, Alex fully blames himself for all of it. He felt hopeless. The only thing that kept him alive after hearing those tapes was the thought of finding his soulmate, but as the days slipped by and the mess got worse Alex began to loose hope. His soulmate was probably thousands of miles away, with a partner that he could move on with. His soulmate, whoever they were, could deal with this pain for a minute, but once it was all over; his soulmate would never have to feel it again. It was better that way. He just hoped that his soulmate would understand that. So as he raised the gun to his head and stared at himself in the mirror; he genuinely believed it was the end. He believed the mess would finally be over. As he began to put his hand on the trigger, the last ounce of hope for finding his soulmate escaped him, leaving nothing but the intent of death. “I’m sorry, whoever you are.” He said quietly, pulling the trigger. 

Zach was in bed, treating the wounds from Clay beating him up. “See soulmate, wasn’t that bad.” He said sarcastically as he wrapped a bandage around his hand. He sighed and looked over at his phone; seeing a text in a group chat from Alex Standall. He didn’t know the boy that much really, they were decently friends before the tapes, but hadn’t talked since the tapes came out. As he read the chat he realized Alex hadn’t quite much talked to anyone at all after the tapes, similar to what Zach himself had done. His brows furrowed in confusion as he read the text. “I can’t take it anymore. I’m sorry” 

And then it hit him.

It hit him like the entire universe was collapsing at once, like the whole world was crashing in on him. His head exploded with fire and an immense amount of unbearable and unbelievable pain that struck him harder than anything before. He fell to the floor and screamed. He could no longer see or hear; everything was a mess of white noise and light. 

It was the feeling of near death. 

He felt lightning bolts of extreme pain for a moment, starting in his head and echoing through his whole body; then leaving him with nothing at all. 

Zach passed out on the floor, subconsciously thinking his soulmate was now dead. 

Zach didn’t expect to ever wake up. The shock of feeling your soulmate die had him passed out for hours. He knew it was his soulmate, not him that died; yet feeling the pain of death, let alone it being your soulmate; it made a part of him not want to wake up. 

The boom. Just like that same feeling, he felt a rush of pain to his head. It made Zach feel like his brain was about to explode, enough to wake him from his sleep. 

His soulmate had lived.   
Zach woke up with a jolt and immediately reached for painkillers to drown out the headache, trying to process everything. His soulmate had almost died by a head injury, but had somehow lived. 

“Zach.” “ZACH!”   
His sister May snapped him back into reality. “Are you okay? You passed out.” She asked, making her way over to him slowly. “Yeah. My soulmate. They um- hit their head or something.” He said, wincing at his throbbing head pain. She then handed him his phone and helped him sit up. “One of your friends called. They said it was an emergency. Someone from your school is in the hospital.” “W-what? Who? Why?” Zach said, starting to frantically unlock his phone. There was about 2000 unread messages and a series of hashtags reading “pray for Alex”, a long with 10 missed calls from Justin, Clay, and Scott. “That Alex kid.” May said, watching her brothers confused face. “He tried to shoot himself in the head.” 

Zach dropped his phone.   
“W-where?” He asked in disbelief.   
It all made sense now. There was no other explanation. He checked the time Alex had sent his last messages and it lined up. “It has to be a coincidence.” He told himself as he picked up his keys and drove to the hospital, barley able to see with the pain in his body. 

But he knew, a part of him already knew the truth. Alex Standall was his soulmate, and his soulmate had just attempted to take his own life. 

He was at the hospital quicker than he realized and took another dose of painkillers before entering. Inside he saw students from school along with the Standall family who he had recognized from a few house parties and hangouts with the jocks. “W-where is he?” Zach practically yelled at Mrs. Standall. She led him by the arm with a teary eyed face into an ICU room. There Alex was on the bed, eyes closed, oxygen mask on. Barley even alive, his heartbeat nearly nonexistent. “He’s in a partial coma.” Mr. Standall explained. “We’re not sure if he’ll make it.” A tear slid down Zachs face. He had to know. “C-can he- can he feel anything?” The doctor nodded to him. “Only slightly.” And with that, Zach pinched himself. The pinch was not too hard, but hard enough to feel on his wrist. He gasped when he looked down at Alex’s. Alex’s fingers had tensed up in that same instant, causing him to flick his wrist slightly and delicately. He had felt it. 

Zach fell to the floor in tears. It was true. He didn’t know how long he cried there in front of Alex’s family- but he knew he only screamed one thing over and over. 

“I can’t lose him. He’s my soulmate.” 

\- You can stop here for the sake of the HC, (the timeline plays out from here and this is the reason that Zach chooses to care for Alex and does PT and all that) but if you want the whole zalex ending keep reading - 

The first face Alex saw when he woke up was an Asian boys. He knew the face was firmilar, he knew at some point this boy was in his life; but couldn’t remember what exactly he meant to him. His head pounded as he registered how he was in a hospital, and how he had failed his attempt. He didn’t remember why he had shot himself, but he didn’t want to. Not right now. The tired boy next to him grasped his head almost in sync with the burst of pain that swirled through his head, causing the boy to jolt awake and reach for painkillers. Alex didn’t know how long he had been out, but judging by the tired look on this boys face; he had been waiting here a while. The boy turned to look at him and his eyes widened in shock to see Alex’s eyes open. “Oh my god! Alex! You’re-!” He shouted, tears beginning to stream down his face. His got closer to the shorter boy and cupped his face in his hands. “Um. Hey?” Alex said quietly, his first time speaking in a few weeks. The boy cried more and then looked back at Alex. “D-do you..know who I am?” He asked. “Maybe. It’s too much right now. But I know your name starts with a Z.” The boy nodded in excitement and wiped some more tears. “Y-yeah. I’m Zach. Zach Dempsey.” 

If there was one thing Zach didn’t want to do, it was rush Alex and overwhelm him. He wanted to kiss him, tell him how they’ve always meant to be together, hold him and never let him go, nurse him back to health, but he knew he had to take it slow. So on the 3rd week after Alex’s awakening, he was surprised to find Alex ask him the question. “No offense, but from what I gather about you, you have school and practice; so why are you still here Zach?” Zach looks up at him and laughs nervously. “I- uh. Because I care? About you?” Alex could tell he was hiding something. In the past few weeks Alex had developed a little crush on the Zach; as he was here almost every hour of the day; but was barley realising he didn’t know why. Suddenly Zach broke down into tears at Alex’s bedside; burying his face in his hands and sobbing. “Zach, hey, what’s wrong?” Alex said, putting his weak arm around him. “I- Im sorry. I should have found you. I should have been there for you. I don’t want to loose anymore people Alex. Especially not you.” He said, once again cupping his hands on Alex’s face. Then it suddenly dawned on him. “Holy shit.” He pinched Zachs arm and felt the sensation on his own, causing Alex’s own eyes to water. “I- it’s y-ou.” He stammered, his breath hitching as he looked into Zachs dark eyes. The two stayed there for a moment, staring closely into eachothers eyes. No words were said, yet the emotion in their eyes spoke a thousand words. “I’m so sorry Zach. I’m sorry for trying to leave you. I’m sorry for putting you through such- pain.” Alex choked out. “No. No.” Zach said, wiping tears from his face. “I think the greater pain would be living without you. Please- just- don’t leave me. Ever.” Zach whispered to him with a smile. Zach leaned forward and planted his lips softly on Alex’s. It was a kiss that brought so many emotions; and suddenly everything felt so right; so perfect. Alex then knew as Zach held him in his arms that this was all supposed to happen. He was supposed to be with Zach, his one and only soulmate forever. Zach suddenly became his entire world, and Alex Zach’s. They were the only ones that mattered. 

“I put you through so much pain.”   
Zach hushed Alex with another kiss.  
“It’s all worth it for you.”


End file.
